Childrearing Wisdom

Be Totally At Ease - Ordinarily, there's next to nothing to worry about with babies: nature is designed to make things happen smoothly and automatically, and you're designed to know what to do, or readily figure it out. On the odd occasion there is a potential issue, you can just ask your mother or a neighbour, or check on the internet. Reading books on parenting tends is likely to make people worry and feel they are bad parents. In the best environment, children grow up with and look after other children from a very early age, and so they know exactly what to do when they go on to have children.

9 Yes / 1 No - There should be 9 "yes"s for each "no", rather than the usual 9 "no"s for each "yes": People design their living arrangements for adults with lots of breakables, and then try to fit children in later, with the result that everything becomes a "no" world for the child. It's far better to get rid of the breakables (to a charity shop), or put up lots of shelves, so that you create a "yes" environment for your child.

Change Nappies from the Side - Young babies often fart and it's full of liquid poo, so if you are behind the baby changing its nappy, you'll get it all over you: to avoid this, change the baby from the side!

Be Confident - Babies are brilliant at assessing your confidence. Do everything with perfect confidence, even if you're not.

Carry Baby - if you carry the baby from the very beginning, it'll seem heavy at the very first, but the baby will get lighter and lighter as your arms grow stronger faster than the baby grows heavier, and you'll be able to carry the baby for a long time. However, if you push the baby in the buggy, this will not happen, and you'll quickly lose the ability to carry your baby, with the resulting loss of bonding. An intermediate, is to use a backpack - if so, use a back carrier, as front ones put a terrible strain on you, but I would suggest carrying is better.

Heartbeat - In the womb, the baby hears the heartbeat all the time. So there's nothing more comforting to a baby, than something similar to a heartbeat, or to be upon you, hearing your real, warm heartbeat.

Socialising - In the west, we give children lots of focus and attention, often just us and them in a room, one-to-one. The result is that the child grows up with the lethal combination of thinking its purpose is to be the centre of attention, whilst lacking social skills. The alternative, is to walk around with the baby and get on with normal life without focussing on the baby. So the baby spends its first year observing its parent in life interacting with others, with the result that the baby is not self-centred and knows well how to socialise and behave with others.

Misbehaviour - if a young child is misbehaving, it needs to be trained into the right way. Often the best way is simply to turn away from bad behaviour and ignore the child. For young children, just closing your eyes is enough and they lose your attention, even if you're facing them. By losing the reward of attention, the child quickly gives up the behaviour or neediness and embarks on something different. However, if you confront misbehaviour, particularly once-off behaviour, the misbehaviour is given attention and reinforced.

Newborn Gifts - When you tell people you are having a baby, mention that if they are thinking of getting clothes for the baby, to make the clothes fit up to 18 months, and you'll quickly come to need them; if you don't tell them this, you'll get 200 shirts for age 0-3 months, most of which you'll never ever use. Also tell people to buy clothes in a random colour of the rainbow, particularly avoiding pink/blue (girl/boy), otherwise they'll all be pink or blue.

Equal-Sharing of Baby Tasks - Due to the logistics of western life with one person working, one of you may spend more time bathing, nappying the baby, etc, and will consequently be far better at it - both partners should avoid the temptation of letting that better person do it more because they are better, otherwise the other will not only never learn to do it very well, but will also lose confidence.

TV - TV is not a nanny. Switch it off, and don't let the child see it for a good while! Best of all, get rid of the TV altogether, and your child will have far more precious time with you.

Avoid Expensive Toys - children are happy playing with boxes and cartons - don't buy expensive toys, just fill up a box with random items from all around the house.

Avoid Expensive Shops - Some shops like Mothercare are really expensive, you're far better going to Charity Shops, Asda, Poundstretcher, etc, for things you need. Expensive items like prams can be bought a fraction of the price over the internet.

Breastfeed - for as long as possible, feed the child nature's way: breast milk is optimally designed for your child. The WHO recommends up to two years, but try to do so for at least up to a year. That way, when a child catches something, the mother will also have caught it, and will provide the immunity to the child in her milk; and there are innumerable other advantages of breast milk.

Accustom Child to Frugality - don't spoil a child, or pamper it with the best of this and that. It is better for the child to learn frugality, hardship, roughness and plainer things, rather than indulgence, comforts and sweet things. That way it will grow up strong and undemanding.

Consistency - be absolutely consistent in all that you do, and never waiver. That way your child will be more secure and less demanding.

Weather - Carry the child facing outwards, so that it learns to go forwards in life, facing it into the wind and the rain.

Swallowing - children don't naturally swallow things, otherwise humans wouldn't be here today; they just want to touch everything on their tongue, and if left to themselves will just put it away again. However if you make a deal of this, it will turn it into a game and they will try to hide objects in their mouth to get your reaction, and then potentially swallow them. Equally avoid contact with sweets, which make small objects appealing to swallow.

Block Plugs - block up all your plugs, as tiny wet baby fingers can easily get into them. You can cellotape over every plug socket leaving one remainder, which you can fit with plastic plug covers - they may be free from your doctor or healthworker's surgery. Avoid dangling wires like phone chargers and radio power leads - children will put the live end into their mouth.

Choke - if children choke, it usually clears itself quite quickly, but if it continues far too long, put them with their tummy over one of your knees and whack them hard down on the back, so that the air in their lungs is forced out from their lungs and through their mouth, dechoking anything that is there.

Sweets and Crisps - to be avoided; they'll learn them at their own rate without you helping them. Just give them plain healthy food.

Modified: 2006.01.13 b